DustyBear

Getting Closer to the things I want .. and cant wait .. everything happens for a reason so i say .. and i believe in that more than ever now ... 3 more months and I will be home.. Can't wait!! The demons of my past have gone away .. feel so much better now that im working towards the future ..cant wait to see what tomorrow holds...praying for the best hoping for the most .. smiles ...

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thats what it feels like inside every day ...

today has but a crappy day

i wish i could have stayed in bed all day and cuddle ..
things are starting to get a lil crazy again

hopefully it will chill out again
i need to go to school and get some help with my paperwork
fun fun

i'm tired i think i'm going to make it an early night

good night

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

man its sux to alone in a house .. i miss Deanna i wish she hurry up and get home .. these last few days have been long .. but i have gotten alot of sleep which is good in any case ... my lil bro finally moved out which is great .. so it's just me and Deanna again *does the happy dance* Tania asked Kat to marry her and she said yes .. i'm so happy for them there such a great couple .. Things are starting to better day by day ... I thank God for that ..

blah .. wish she was here ... sad face

got my car today...it's a hoopty...hahahaha...me n deanna went riding it in earlier with richey boy.

i hate not being able to see my friends ..

jor told me today that her baby shower next weekend and shocker i'm not able to go.. and to add on to that Tania b day is wed. and i'm off and not able to go see her like planned .. i hate this crap ... i'm missing everything .. i've only seen jor once since she got pregnant and that was at 7 months ... and she having the baby next month.. who know when i'll finally get to see the baby ... it upset me that i use to see her and Tania and everyone everyday and now it's once every few months if at all.. i miss them like crazy .. Tania keeps saying move back but I got a home I have a place that I can call my own even if it's just an apartment .. I haven't even gotten this far by my self ... Deanna is one of the greatest thing that's ever happen to me .. she makes me feel great,beautiful,and smart she just so understanding i don't know what i would do without her .. we have our share of problems but she always try to stay on the positive side of things ... i know things are going to get better and I know that i've got alot blessing and I'm thankful for that... I just need to vent ... like always .. well i'm done so
later..

life is good!


thank you that is all!

You left me long before I left you. Yeah I should have handled it differently but I just could not take being depressed and unwanted any longer. I am sorry that I hurt you but you were killing me. Every time you pulled away from a kiss,or chose not to touch me, all the words that you left unsaid. But the morning I left you I came home to be with you , and found the conversation between you and Kori after that I knew I could not go crawl in bed and pretend like everything was going to be ok. So I left to save my self . You once told me sometimes you have to hurt others to better yourself. I am sorry that I hurt you but that is the only way I could leave you.

Got to get away for a lil while ... Had some time to think about things..

blah.

I'm am such a DORK!


yeah.. i wrote a post thinking I was on my page and was on Shay hehe... Darn thats embarrassing.. WOW ... I didn't know I could turn bright red ..


:note to self always check to where the post is going .. and it would probably help if I wasn't half drunk .. hehe!


Thank you.. that is all!

I feel so lost most days..


1. Don't sweat the small the stuff
2. There is no small stuff


I keep trying to remember that .. but it doesn't help..

I need to vent before I scream ...

Everything was going so well and now it's falling apart again ..I knew it would it always does.. GRRRRR..

This has been a bad week..
NO Wait ...

So far this has been a BAD year...

Everything just keeps piling up everywhere...

Bills, problems, dirty clothes..

Good things are I'm here with the person I love, I'm around people that me feel comfortable ,I have a job actually like and don't dread going to.

things aren't to bad in all.. i guess.. i hope.. i pray ..

hmm this quote makes me think... about everything .. sometimes i wonder if i am holding back .. but for what reason .. maybe cuz i'm scared of failing.. when so many are watching and waiting for me to fail .. i try so hard to leave the past and start with the future but it's difficult.. i wonder why i let things weigh me down .. In my head everything is planned so perfectly and organized but when i try to act it out it's a total disaster.. i just need to get my head right .. I really want to live to the fullest without looking back .. start everything like it was the first time .. and everyday i try lil by lil.. baby steps .. they feel like i'm not even moving .. I'm so 2 sided it drives me crazy .. it's like i get started on one side and end up or the totally opposite side.. hmm .. maybe i'm CRAZY .. i could deal with that ... HI I'm ANGELA and i'm crazy .. lol ... ok yeah it's late and i'm starting to get goofy.. so good night to all ..

Friends.. I don't think i've had a real friend since the 6th grade .. and she still there for me , well as much as possible.. I often wonder what in hell was I holding on to for so long.. I mean do TRUE friends even exist .. I'm starting to think not just like soul mates.. I think friends are just something to pass ur time until u find someone to be in a relationship, only because after that u lose them .. I mean yeah u meet with them once a week or month .. so on so on .. but then the caring and the being there for you, the love fades away ..the longer there with the person in the realtionship.. until they non exist.. maybe not physical but emotionally.. they just fade away .. the person u could tell everything to becomes the person u never talk to. and u start to wonder i spent years of my life being there for them and helping them .. but for what? why? Then there are the ones that probably never were ur friends to begin with but u still tried to become there friend but in the end u knew that it would never last.. it's sad to see ur suppose to be best friends .. pick money and relationships that are never going to work out over u .. I wonder if this is what the world about .. I dunno but some days i don't want to stay around to find out..

maybe it's just the people i pick .. i want to believe that everyone has good in them some where and that's my down fall .. maybe they do just not when it comes to me ..

thoughts .. are gonna be the death of me..

NOT




Another day goes by..

and life has changed up a again..

but i'm still here

Me and kat are over
Got a new job
Richey coming live with me
In the process of getting a new car
Tryin to get over a cold

That is what has been happening
Interesting..

i wish that .. u were next to me
i smile when .. u look at me
i miss .. u when ur gone
i love when .. we kiss
i hate that .. we fight
i cry when .. thing don't always go right
never again .. want u to leave
i giggle when .. ur being goofy
i can't believe .. we're together
i've always wanted .. to be with u
i get wet when .. u lol..
i'll never .. leave ur side
i'm most sensitive to .. ur touch

I like your pants around your feet
And I like the dirt that's on your knees
And I like the way you say please
While you're looking up at me
You're like my favorite damn disease

And I love the places that we go
And I love the people that you know
And I love the way you can't say "No"
Too many long lines in a row
I love the powder on your nose

And now I know who you are
It wasn't that hard
Just to figure you out

Now I did, you wonder why
I like the freckles on your chest
And I like the way you like me best
And I like the way you're not impressed
While you put me to the test

I like the white stains on your dress
I love the way you pass the check
And I love the good times that you wreck

And I love your lack of self respect
While you're passed out on the deck
I love my hands around your neck

And I know who you are
It wasn't that hard
Just to figure you out

Now I did, you wonder why
Why not before, you never tried
Gone for good, and this is it

I like your pants around your feet
And I like the dirt that's on your knees
And I like the way you still say please
While you're looking up at me
You're like my favorite damn disease

And I hate the places that we go
And I hate the people that you know
And I hate the way you can't say "No"
Too many long lines in a row
I hate the powder on your nose

And now I know who you are
It wasn't that hard
Just to figure you out

Now I did, you wonder why
Why not before, you never tried
Gone for good, and this is it
 

Kat and me started talking again.. I like it .. she's talking about coming down in a month or so .. i hope things go well ..

Today wasn't that great of a day.. I was as hour late to work and left an hour early .. I was late cuz i had to go buy some pants.. and left early to leave cuz of a co worker .. she never does her work and is always trying to boss me around.. so yeah there are going be problems ..

umm i haven't talk to my mom in a couple of days i think i'm going to call her tomorrow.. and my lil bro ..

Dav's dad isn't doing very well he's in ICU .. so i'll probably go see him, tomorrow.. he was in surgery for 3 hours.. which is not good at all.. he was going in to get the same surgery as Dav..

so tomorrow gonna be crazy.. well i'm going to bed.. later

well today started off at a fast pace .. I just got my brakes done and forgot to pump them before leaving and almost hit Mr. James brand new truck.. I mean brand new like 2 days old .. so yeah that was the start of my day ..
i get to work and they put doing waitdressing which i love but i kept dropping everything.. well after work Tania, Amber and me went to Dav's where all the bull started.. Nanny told Tania, Amber, and me well going to hell cuz were lesbians.. so yeah thats always great.. well Aaron chimed in and said that he believes that too.. so Tania and Amber are pissed.. I don't really care cuz there is always someone saying it's wrong so why let it bother me now .. *Anywaze* I'm finally living at Tania parents it's kinda werid but cool at the same time .. I'm starting to talk to alot more people now.. I have a crush on someone.. (that sounds so grade school) but it probably won't go anywhere cause they live to far away.. On a better note i got 2 cards and stuff animal for V-Day!! Tania got me a card that was really cute.. and Dav got me a card and the stuff animal that are both odd but funny!! So today wasn't that bad .. well i'm off to bed i have work again tommorrow ..